The Real Man's Guide to Romance, Part 2: Burnin' Love

If you're anything like me, you care for your woman just as much as you care about the environment. Since you're still trying to figure out if that's a compliment or an insult, let me clear things up for you: yes, it is.

One thing that is not ambiguous is my love of pussy or my disdain for holidays that make me pay a price for my aforementioned love. But much like when Biggie went home with that broad that got dick from a player off the New York Knicks, I know how to make the best of a bad situation. I take lemons and make babies. Just not directly. So when the Holidays strike, I strike back like any Real Man would.

Such is the case with Styrofoam. It can't be easily recycled. It doesn't biodegrade. But it does make a very lovely fire. The same type of lovely fire that one might use to get some St. Valentine's Day ass. The type of fire that burns with passion, that burns white-hot, that burns with the aid of excellerants. That's right, Real Men. Nothing says "Bitch, take your clothes off NOW!!!" like a little homemade Napalm.

Now you may ask yourself "Why in the fuck would I want to make Napalm, especially for Valentine's Day?" If you have to ask, then this is not for you and you shouldn't read any further, Girlie Man. For the rest of you, it goes without saying that nothing sucks more than having to tend to a fire and a woman at the same time. Thus the genius in using a hot-burning long lasting firestarter like Napalm to kill one bird with an incendiary bomb is not only in it's Real Man Appeal, but it's practicality. You can save time and the planet all while getting laid. It's a can't miss proposition.

Unless you blow yourself up. Now, would a Real Man hesitate to post instructions on how to make Napalm out of styrofoam on his blog? No way. But a Real Man also would know how to make Napalm out of Styrofoam already, meaning if you don't know by now you're not a Real Man. If you're interesting in becoming a Real Man however, I am willing to do you a solid and point you in the right direction. Click here to take your first step in finding out how to make fire like a Real Man.

And that's will do it for Part II. If you're still alive for Part III, We'll take a look at how a Real Man pulls off a Romantic Dinner for two.

Bonfire Appetit!